Update: I can't believe we're on week 11 already! This summer has flown (most days...). Duane is about to wrap up his summer classes and as a proud wife I must say... he's rockin' it! Seriously.. he's doing amazing. I don't mean to brag... okay I do.. but, he made a 98 on his test the other day... in neuro or physiology.. one of the classes.. either way... it's really good! :) He will probably come out with three A's in his first summer session, which many say is the hardest semester... My husband is a genius ;) Okay, I'll really stop now, because he's probably reading this and blushing at this point... but I'm just so proud of him!
Okay... off to what's really on my heart...
This summer has been a big transition for all of us... I've often gotten caught up in the selfishness of it and thought about how much "I" am sacrificing with him being gone during the week, and how "I" am taking care of the kiddos on my own during the week.... When reality struck hard the other day... I had posted on Facebook a little prayer to God about how to give me patience through the day with my children. They often wear me out... especially the last few weeks. I swear sometimes it feels like all they do is fight... one is crying, one is whining, repeat... one is crying, one is whining, repeat... and I'm in the background saying, "Stop! Leave your brother alone! Quit whining! Don't be a whine bag! Be nice! Be loving!"... you get the idea... when in reality all my boys probably hear is a humming noise that somewhat resembles mommy... Anyway.... they can be a challenge.
Back to the post- this is what I had posted:
"Today I pray- God, please give me patience for my little blessings.. Help me to appreciate the crazy, frustrating, sometimes obnoxious things my children do and find good in all!"
I had posted the prayer on Facebook because I seriously wanted to have a different attitude that day towards my children. I knew that I was not being the loving, Christ-like mom I needed to be. I got several comments of support that day, but the one that blessed me the most was from my husband. He commented with his own prayer: "Today I pray - God, thank you for a beautiful wife and mother of our children, who gets to experience the blessings that our children bring to our lives every day, while I am at school missing them during the week. Give her the patience to raise God fearing, strong, intelligent boys while we sacrifice a small amount of time apart. Give me the strength to finish what we started and glorify You."
I read his comment and immediately got teary eyed, and then got hit with a reality check.. A couple of things:
1. I often remember what I am sacrificing, but too often neglect what he is sacrificing. He goes several days without seeing his sons.. often not even being able to talk to them because he's busting his tail at the library until 11 at night, so he can ace his test. He gets up at 6 am, drives into Dallas (seriously.. who ever wants to do that?), goes to class all day, then spends hours into the night studying. He eats out of vending machines way too often and hardly ever gets a home cooked meal during the week... He misses out on picking the boys up, hearing about their day, sitting at the table eating dinner with his family, and going to bed at night with his wife... Who am I to be so selfish to think I am the only one who is sacrificing here? Who am I to complain about the boys wearing me out with their fighting and crying when he probably misses it (at least a little bit!)? I too often neglect his reality and what is really going on for him...
2. We as human beings are really good at focusing on ourselves and what we have to give up, what we have to sacrifice, what we are going through and how hard it is... We often forget how much God sacrificed for us. He sacrificed His Son, so we could be forgiven and be covered in His grace and mercy. Amen for grace!
3. God blessed me with two beautiful, blue-eyed baby boys... and even though at times I want to rip out my hair, maybe hide in a corner with a strong beverage, or just crawl in bed and hide for a while... God has given them to me. He has given me the privilege and responsibility to love them and raise them in the way they should go. God has given us this amazing opportunity for Duane to go back to school and do something he feels he is called to do, using the gifts he has been given. I will continue to pray for strength to finish what God has enabled us to start, and will strive to glorify Him always along this journey!
I will cherish the moments, because they are moments of time we are blessed with- good or bad... That's why tonight, even though I was tired and it was too late for the boys to be up... when they both asked me to rub their backs and sing (Kaden- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Makson- Jesus Love Me).... I did... twice.
