It's that time again... time to blog! :)
I know I am not really good at this whole blogging thing, but I think that if I blog too much people will not want to read what I have to say... And when I write, it's because I truly feel like God lays it on my heart.
A quick update: Duane is starting to wrap up this fall semester of PA school.. yay!! He has been home more than I really expected him to be which has been a complete blessing. In all honesty I think he's been home more this fall than he ever was when he worked football :). He's still gone 3 nights out of the week, which is not ideal- but it's doable! For the most part the boys and I have adjusted and have our little routine... It's weird.. even though we've "adjusted" there's still always something "off" on the nights he is gone.
Tonight... I miss him a lot. Kaden had a dentist appointment this afternoon, got another filling, cried forever afterwards because his mouth was numb, Makson tried to be helpful and ended up just making Kade cry more.... Mak cried because he didn't want to do his homework, and displayed his lovely kindergarten attitude that tends to rear its ugly head occasionally... all while I am preparing for a sweet friend to come over, visit, and share her life with me for a bit! It's times like that when I'm reminded of how hard and tiresome motherhood can sometimes be... You know where you just want to hole yourself up, maybe crawl under the covers and hide, or heck just hideout in the bathroom for 30 minutes and pretend you have a really bad tummy???
That's how it was when we got home today... I couldn't tag my partner in for a bit and escape... instead I had to put my big girl panties on, get it together and be the mom my babies needed me to be in that moment. Taking a deep breath and calming the storm is not always easy... but it's necessary. I am not always great at "calming" the storm... often I think I just enhance it, but I'm working on it! A wise man once told me that being a good parent is hard work, and being a crappy parent is pretty easy. I am reminded daily of this! All the effort, discipline, encouragement, praise, rules, boundaries, pulling of hair, tears, and love that we as mothers give every day is hard work, but we do it because our kids are worth it!
I know many moms would agree that they're willing to put in hard work to raise their kids... but what about our marriages? Who could honestly say they put as much hard work into their marriage as they do into their parenting? I know I have been guilty of this... Why is it that we expect hard work when it comes to our parenting, but not when it comes to our marriages? Aren't our marriages worth it?
When it gets hard with our marriages many simply give up... I am so tired of seeing marriages fail because it gets tough... couples "fall out of love," "grow apart," unmet needs get in the way and are sought out to get met through other means... If we truly invested in our marriages like we invest in our children, would we see so many marriages fail?
I'm not here to preach against divorce... I know that there are times when it is necessary. I am here to say I am sick of seeing failed marriages- it hurts my heart... Every week it seems someone I am acquainted with is going through a separation or divorce... God did not create this amazing union between man and woman to see it continuously fail...
Duane and I are far from perfect... but we do continually strive to better our marriage, better one another, and solidify our marriage in Christ. We put in hard work... just like we do in our parenting... Our marriage is first- If we don't work to keep it strong and solid with joy and love... how can we display the true love and joy of Jesus to our boys? Aren't they both worth it? I like to think so...
"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." 2 Thessalonians 3:5
Monday, November 18, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
Crazy, Wonderful Life Update!
Well, it has been awhile since I've blogged! Life for us has been crazy the last couple of months. I've thought about blogging numerous times, then always find myself distracted and off doing something else, then by the time I remember... it's late and I'm tired. :)
To update our life and what's going on with Duane in school....
He completed his first summer session and did absolutely amazing. He actually managed to make a 100 on his last Anatomy Lab test- which I know.. I'm bragging.. but seriously, to put it into perspective:
The instructors take the cadavers and pin point different bones, muscles, veins, arteries, etc... and the students have to walk around with a sheet of paper, identify each body part, then write the name of the body part correctly down... no multiple choice... I know- aren't you impressed? ;)
Anyway.. the summer was a struggle- He was gone a lot and studied constantly, but I will admit- it went quickly. He is now 3 weeks into the fall semester and this semester so far has not been so bad. I think it's because they are not cramming so much material in such a short amount of time. He's still gone multiple nights out of the week and studies constantly, but it doesn't seem to be so stressful.. my perspective on it anyway! Ask him and you might get a different answer! ha! God has blessed us though, because so far this experience with him in school has been much more positive than I expected.. I attribute this to faith and prayer! God is good~
He's still staying in Colleyville with my aunt and uncle part of the week, so there are still nights he's away... which is never easy. However, I do believe I have seen him more this August and September than I have in the last ten years during the month of August and September. When he was doing athletic training and working football, I feel like we saw each other only in passing and to kiss each other goodnight...and that was only occasionally! I'm beginning to think I like this no football working business!
The boys and I have started back to school ourselves... My high school counseling job is going well and has started off fast and furious! We have a lot on our plate this year at school, but I feel very confident that we are on the right path and great things are happening. I also decided in one of my psychotic moments that I would go back to school to get my principal certification. I already have a masters so I can complete the program with only taking 18 hours... allowing me to finish this coming May. I know... I'm crazy... I came to my senses at one time a few weeks ago and decided to drop the courses, because how in the world was I going to fit all that crap in to my already crazy, hectic schedule? Then the wonderful people I work with talked me back into the crazy... I really think that what it comes down to is the fact that I think my husband is back in school for the 3rd time, so I should be to... I can't let him get too ahead of me! We're a tad competitive! Anyway.. I am now in my 3rd week of attaining my principal certification! Wish me luck!
My oldest baby boy started kindergarten this year... I know... weird. I'm old enough to have a kid in school.. It still kinda freaks me out! I won't lie- I got a little teary eyed the first day while I sat at his desk with him and saw how big he has really gotten. He's super smart, inquisitive, stubborn, loving, questions everything, adores his baby brother then fights him in the same breath, and I would not trade him for the world. He's enjoying school but still questions why they don't really get to play and why they always have to learn... I told him to get use to it... he had another 17+ years of it! I cannot wait to see what God has planned for my sweet boy!
My smaller munchkin, Kaden Wayne, also started a new preschool this year. He pretty much complains about going to school every day and sometimes even decides to push his heels in and refuse to walk in the class, or throw a wild fit while kicking and screaming... However, once I leave, he straightens up quickly and always has a great day! His teachers love him and never have a bad thing to say... so I think it's just me. He likes to pretend that school is a horrible place, to make me feel bad for leaving him... when in actuality it's wonderful and he has an amazing time. He's a smart one, too! He likes to drive me insane, then smile his cute, ornery smile, and give me sugar and huggies! That smile always gets me.. and he knows it.
The last big thing I suppose going on in our lives is the fact that we moved... again. I am proud to say that I am back in my hometown living on the street I grew up on. I will admit- I'm loving it! I'm 4 houses down from my parents and it is amazing. They are a huge help when Duane is gone and the comfort of knowing they're there.. always... is such a blessing! I promised my husband we would not move again... at least not until he's done with school. I have no idea why it was such a big deal to move again? I mean seriously.. I think it's his favorite! ;)
Enough rambling... think everyone who cares is caught up. I'm exhausted... had soccer tonight for Makson and soccer for Kaden is tomorrow... and all I really want to do is read my cheesy, western love book that I got from my Grandma Pearl! Don't judge ;)
To update our life and what's going on with Duane in school....
He completed his first summer session and did absolutely amazing. He actually managed to make a 100 on his last Anatomy Lab test- which I know.. I'm bragging.. but seriously, to put it into perspective:
The instructors take the cadavers and pin point different bones, muscles, veins, arteries, etc... and the students have to walk around with a sheet of paper, identify each body part, then write the name of the body part correctly down... no multiple choice... I know- aren't you impressed? ;)
Anyway.. the summer was a struggle- He was gone a lot and studied constantly, but I will admit- it went quickly. He is now 3 weeks into the fall semester and this semester so far has not been so bad. I think it's because they are not cramming so much material in such a short amount of time. He's still gone multiple nights out of the week and studies constantly, but it doesn't seem to be so stressful.. my perspective on it anyway! Ask him and you might get a different answer! ha! God has blessed us though, because so far this experience with him in school has been much more positive than I expected.. I attribute this to faith and prayer! God is good~
He's still staying in Colleyville with my aunt and uncle part of the week, so there are still nights he's away... which is never easy. However, I do believe I have seen him more this August and September than I have in the last ten years during the month of August and September. When he was doing athletic training and working football, I feel like we saw each other only in passing and to kiss each other goodnight...and that was only occasionally! I'm beginning to think I like this no football working business!
The boys and I have started back to school ourselves... My high school counseling job is going well and has started off fast and furious! We have a lot on our plate this year at school, but I feel very confident that we are on the right path and great things are happening. I also decided in one of my psychotic moments that I would go back to school to get my principal certification. I already have a masters so I can complete the program with only taking 18 hours... allowing me to finish this coming May. I know... I'm crazy... I came to my senses at one time a few weeks ago and decided to drop the courses, because how in the world was I going to fit all that crap in to my already crazy, hectic schedule? Then the wonderful people I work with talked me back into the crazy... I really think that what it comes down to is the fact that I think my husband is back in school for the 3rd time, so I should be to... I can't let him get too ahead of me! We're a tad competitive! Anyway.. I am now in my 3rd week of attaining my principal certification! Wish me luck!
My oldest baby boy started kindergarten this year... I know... weird. I'm old enough to have a kid in school.. It still kinda freaks me out! I won't lie- I got a little teary eyed the first day while I sat at his desk with him and saw how big he has really gotten. He's super smart, inquisitive, stubborn, loving, questions everything, adores his baby brother then fights him in the same breath, and I would not trade him for the world. He's enjoying school but still questions why they don't really get to play and why they always have to learn... I told him to get use to it... he had another 17+ years of it! I cannot wait to see what God has planned for my sweet boy!
My smaller munchkin, Kaden Wayne, also started a new preschool this year. He pretty much complains about going to school every day and sometimes even decides to push his heels in and refuse to walk in the class, or throw a wild fit while kicking and screaming... However, once I leave, he straightens up quickly and always has a great day! His teachers love him and never have a bad thing to say... so I think it's just me. He likes to pretend that school is a horrible place, to make me feel bad for leaving him... when in actuality it's wonderful and he has an amazing time. He's a smart one, too! He likes to drive me insane, then smile his cute, ornery smile, and give me sugar and huggies! That smile always gets me.. and he knows it.
The last big thing I suppose going on in our lives is the fact that we moved... again. I am proud to say that I am back in my hometown living on the street I grew up on. I will admit- I'm loving it! I'm 4 houses down from my parents and it is amazing. They are a huge help when Duane is gone and the comfort of knowing they're there.. always... is such a blessing! I promised my husband we would not move again... at least not until he's done with school. I have no idea why it was such a big deal to move again? I mean seriously.. I think it's his favorite! ;)
Enough rambling... think everyone who cares is caught up. I'm exhausted... had soccer tonight for Makson and soccer for Kaden is tomorrow... and all I really want to do is read my cheesy, western love book that I got from my Grandma Pearl! Don't judge ;)
Monday, July 29, 2013
Cherishing the Moments...
Week 11...
Update: I can't believe we're on week 11 already! This summer has flown (most days...). Duane is about to wrap up his summer classes and as a proud wife I must say... he's rockin' it! Seriously.. he's doing amazing. I don't mean to brag... okay I do.. but, he made a 98 on his test the other day... in neuro or physiology.. one of the classes.. either way... it's really good! :) He will probably come out with three A's in his first summer session, which many say is the hardest semester... My husband is a genius ;) Okay, I'll really stop now, because he's probably reading this and blushing at this point... but I'm just so proud of him!
Okay... off to what's really on my heart...
This summer has been a big transition for all of us... I've often gotten caught up in the selfishness of it and thought about how much "I" am sacrificing with him being gone during the week, and how "I" am taking care of the kiddos on my own during the week.... When reality struck hard the other day... I had posted on Facebook a little prayer to God about how to give me patience through the day with my children. They often wear me out... especially the last few weeks. I swear sometimes it feels like all they do is fight... one is crying, one is whining, repeat... one is crying, one is whining, repeat... and I'm in the background saying, "Stop! Leave your brother alone! Quit whining! Don't be a whine bag! Be nice! Be loving!"... you get the idea... when in reality all my boys probably hear is a humming noise that somewhat resembles mommy... Anyway.... they can be a challenge.
Back to the post- this is what I had posted:
"Today I pray- God, please give me patience for my little blessings.. Help me to appreciate the crazy, frustrating, sometimes obnoxious things my children do and find good in all!"
I had posted the prayer on Facebook because I seriously wanted to have a different attitude that day towards my children. I knew that I was not being the loving, Christ-like mom I needed to be. I got several comments of support that day, but the one that blessed me the most was from my husband. He commented with his own prayer: "Today I pray - God, thank you for a beautiful wife and mother of our children, who gets to experience the blessings that our children bring to our lives every day, while I am at school missing them during the week. Give her the patience to raise God fearing, strong, intelligent boys while we sacrifice a small amount of time apart. Give me the strength to finish what we started and glorify You."
I read his comment and immediately got teary eyed, and then got hit with a reality check.. A couple of things:
1. I often remember what I am sacrificing, but too often neglect what he is sacrificing. He goes several days without seeing his sons.. often not even being able to talk to them because he's busting his tail at the library until 11 at night, so he can ace his test. He gets up at 6 am, drives into Dallas (seriously.. who ever wants to do that?), goes to class all day, then spends hours into the night studying. He eats out of vending machines way too often and hardly ever gets a home cooked meal during the week... He misses out on picking the boys up, hearing about their day, sitting at the table eating dinner with his family, and going to bed at night with his wife... Who am I to be so selfish to think I am the only one who is sacrificing here? Who am I to complain about the boys wearing me out with their fighting and crying when he probably misses it (at least a little bit!)? I too often neglect his reality and what is really going on for him...
2. We as human beings are really good at focusing on ourselves and what we have to give up, what we have to sacrifice, what we are going through and how hard it is... We often forget how much God sacrificed for us. He sacrificed His Son, so we could be forgiven and be covered in His grace and mercy. Amen for grace!
3. God blessed me with two beautiful, blue-eyed baby boys... and even though at times I want to rip out my hair, maybe hide in a corner with a strong beverage, or just crawl in bed and hide for a while... God has given them to me. He has given me the privilege and responsibility to love them and raise them in the way they should go. God has given us this amazing opportunity for Duane to go back to school and do something he feels he is called to do, using the gifts he has been given. I will continue to pray for strength to finish what God has enabled us to start, and will strive to glorify Him always along this journey!
I will cherish the moments, because they are moments of time we are blessed with- good or bad... That's why tonight, even though I was tired and it was too late for the boys to be up... when they both asked me to rub their backs and sing (Kaden- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Makson- Jesus Love Me).... I did... twice.
Update: I can't believe we're on week 11 already! This summer has flown (most days...). Duane is about to wrap up his summer classes and as a proud wife I must say... he's rockin' it! Seriously.. he's doing amazing. I don't mean to brag... okay I do.. but, he made a 98 on his test the other day... in neuro or physiology.. one of the classes.. either way... it's really good! :) He will probably come out with three A's in his first summer session, which many say is the hardest semester... My husband is a genius ;) Okay, I'll really stop now, because he's probably reading this and blushing at this point... but I'm just so proud of him!
Okay... off to what's really on my heart...
This summer has been a big transition for all of us... I've often gotten caught up in the selfishness of it and thought about how much "I" am sacrificing with him being gone during the week, and how "I" am taking care of the kiddos on my own during the week.... When reality struck hard the other day... I had posted on Facebook a little prayer to God about how to give me patience through the day with my children. They often wear me out... especially the last few weeks. I swear sometimes it feels like all they do is fight... one is crying, one is whining, repeat... one is crying, one is whining, repeat... and I'm in the background saying, "Stop! Leave your brother alone! Quit whining! Don't be a whine bag! Be nice! Be loving!"... you get the idea... when in reality all my boys probably hear is a humming noise that somewhat resembles mommy... Anyway.... they can be a challenge.
Back to the post- this is what I had posted:
"Today I pray- God, please give me patience for my little blessings.. Help me to appreciate the crazy, frustrating, sometimes obnoxious things my children do and find good in all!"
I had posted the prayer on Facebook because I seriously wanted to have a different attitude that day towards my children. I knew that I was not being the loving, Christ-like mom I needed to be. I got several comments of support that day, but the one that blessed me the most was from my husband. He commented with his own prayer: "Today I pray - God, thank you for a beautiful wife and mother of our children, who gets to experience the blessings that our children bring to our lives every day, while I am at school missing them during the week. Give her the patience to raise God fearing, strong, intelligent boys while we sacrifice a small amount of time apart. Give me the strength to finish what we started and glorify You."
I read his comment and immediately got teary eyed, and then got hit with a reality check.. A couple of things:
1. I often remember what I am sacrificing, but too often neglect what he is sacrificing. He goes several days without seeing his sons.. often not even being able to talk to them because he's busting his tail at the library until 11 at night, so he can ace his test. He gets up at 6 am, drives into Dallas (seriously.. who ever wants to do that?), goes to class all day, then spends hours into the night studying. He eats out of vending machines way too often and hardly ever gets a home cooked meal during the week... He misses out on picking the boys up, hearing about their day, sitting at the table eating dinner with his family, and going to bed at night with his wife... Who am I to be so selfish to think I am the only one who is sacrificing here? Who am I to complain about the boys wearing me out with their fighting and crying when he probably misses it (at least a little bit!)? I too often neglect his reality and what is really going on for him...
2. We as human beings are really good at focusing on ourselves and what we have to give up, what we have to sacrifice, what we are going through and how hard it is... We often forget how much God sacrificed for us. He sacrificed His Son, so we could be forgiven and be covered in His grace and mercy. Amen for grace!
3. God blessed me with two beautiful, blue-eyed baby boys... and even though at times I want to rip out my hair, maybe hide in a corner with a strong beverage, or just crawl in bed and hide for a while... God has given them to me. He has given me the privilege and responsibility to love them and raise them in the way they should go. God has given us this amazing opportunity for Duane to go back to school and do something he feels he is called to do, using the gifts he has been given. I will continue to pray for strength to finish what God has enabled us to start, and will strive to glorify Him always along this journey!
I will cherish the moments, because they are moments of time we are blessed with- good or bad... That's why tonight, even though I was tired and it was too late for the boys to be up... when they both asked me to rub their backs and sing (Kaden- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Makson- Jesus Love Me).... I did... twice.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Today was long...
Week 5- I'm missing my husband today a little more than usual.... It's amazing the little things you take for granted with your husband. Like dealing with air conditioners when they decide to go out.. killing the giant bug that snuck through the front door... Or taking out the smelly trash that made you want to vomit when you first walked in the house... Disciplining one son when they smart-mouthed you at dinner... Disciplining both sons when they scratched the crap out of each other for no apparent reason... checking the car when it screws up, then taking it in to the shop because you don't like to, because you feel no one at car shops take you seriously... Then at the end of the night when you are trying your best to be patient getting both boys asleep, telling them to be quiet multiple times, then the oldest begins sobbing because he misses his daddy... so everyone just cries together because we all miss him... Yep- that all happened today.
So, call me a little whiny- but I don't care... I'm tired and I miss him. I miss the little things that I took for granted on a daily basis that never seemed like that big of a deal when he was here every night... now that he's not, those little things are what I miss the most. I'm not trying to have a pity party, so please don't misunderstand.. okay, maybe I am a little bit ;)... but really... it's amazing how your perspective changes when you are in a situation that really gives you no other option, but to change it.
Okay, now I'm done whining and am going to re-frame my day, because you should always practice what you preach! ;) Yes, my car screwed up this morning and didn't want to shift gears... but the bright side is we didn't have an accident, my babies are safe, and we have insurance to get it fixed including providing a rental car, so we are not without transportation... It could be worse.
Yes, our air conditioner is broken in our other home that we are renting out... but we have home warranty insurance for that, so luckily it will not cost a fortune to get it fixed!
Yes, my house smelled terrible when we walked in and there was a ginormous bug waiting to greet us... but fortunately I have two legs that work, so I was able to take the trash out myself, then stomp on the ginormous bug and kill it!
Disciplining the children is something Duane and I have always kind of played tag-team with... today I just couldn't tag him in... that's okay though- I think I'm getting really good with the mom-look and voice :).
Yes, putting the boys to sleep tonight was kind of a beating, but I have two, beautiful, healthy, rambunctious, loving boys, who make my days full of love and life... and for that, I am very thankful. I am also truly thankful for facetime on our phones, because with that tonight, I think my babies had a little more peace before falling asleep.
Duane started week 5 today.. he's killin it at school! I am so incredibly proud of him! Duane- if you read this... please know we love you and support you 100%... today was just a tough day! I know you aced your Anatomy test!
Only 125 more weeks to go~ :)
"Don't give up and be helpless in times of trouble." Proverbs 24:10
We will keep pushing through, because great things are yet to come!
So, call me a little whiny- but I don't care... I'm tired and I miss him. I miss the little things that I took for granted on a daily basis that never seemed like that big of a deal when he was here every night... now that he's not, those little things are what I miss the most. I'm not trying to have a pity party, so please don't misunderstand.. okay, maybe I am a little bit ;)... but really... it's amazing how your perspective changes when you are in a situation that really gives you no other option, but to change it.
Okay, now I'm done whining and am going to re-frame my day, because you should always practice what you preach! ;) Yes, my car screwed up this morning and didn't want to shift gears... but the bright side is we didn't have an accident, my babies are safe, and we have insurance to get it fixed including providing a rental car, so we are not without transportation... It could be worse.
Yes, our air conditioner is broken in our other home that we are renting out... but we have home warranty insurance for that, so luckily it will not cost a fortune to get it fixed!
Yes, my house smelled terrible when we walked in and there was a ginormous bug waiting to greet us... but fortunately I have two legs that work, so I was able to take the trash out myself, then stomp on the ginormous bug and kill it!
Disciplining the children is something Duane and I have always kind of played tag-team with... today I just couldn't tag him in... that's okay though- I think I'm getting really good with the mom-look and voice :).
Yes, putting the boys to sleep tonight was kind of a beating, but I have two, beautiful, healthy, rambunctious, loving boys, who make my days full of love and life... and for that, I am very thankful. I am also truly thankful for facetime on our phones, because with that tonight, I think my babies had a little more peace before falling asleep.
Duane started week 5 today.. he's killin it at school! I am so incredibly proud of him! Duane- if you read this... please know we love you and support you 100%... today was just a tough day! I know you aced your Anatomy test!
Only 125 more weeks to go~ :)
"Don't give up and be helpless in times of trouble." Proverbs 24:10
We will keep pushing through, because great things are yet to come!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Kickin off Week 3
Starting week 3... it was a little harder telling him bye this evening. I was doing okay, until I went out on the porch looking for Makson and there he was holding on to his daddy. My eyes swelled up, because I know I miss him during the week, but his boys him just as much. Lets face it- I'm not as much fun as daddy. :) He's got a long week this week.. He starts his phlebotomy lab in the morning at 6 am... He will work 6-8, then have class 9-4 all week... I can imagine he will be exhausted come Friday!
I'm up.. of course... watching the Notebook.. torturing myself I suppose. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap today, so I'm sure I will be up for awhile. I sit here thinking, questioning myself, my job, my purpose.. I suppose Duane starting school, not being here every night, has thrown my world a little off.. Not to mention I'm wrapping up my first year as a high school counselor. I have scheduling to finish up tomorrow, master scheduling to begin, baccalaureate on Thursday, graduation Friday, and Lisa's lingerie and bachelorette party Saturday!! whew! I'm tired just thinking about it...
I've truly enjoyed this school year and the challenges it has thrown at me, but I would be lying if I said I'm not grateful it is coming to an end. I'm exhausted...
I really don't have much more to blog about and would hate to waste your time with rambling! Keep us both in your prayers for continued strength for both of us! This week is going to be a tough one with me not having my complete "village" here to lean on!
"What I am saying is that we can encourage each other by the faith that is ours." Romans 1:12
I'm up.. of course... watching the Notebook.. torturing myself I suppose. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap today, so I'm sure I will be up for awhile. I sit here thinking, questioning myself, my job, my purpose.. I suppose Duane starting school, not being here every night, has thrown my world a little off.. Not to mention I'm wrapping up my first year as a high school counselor. I have scheduling to finish up tomorrow, master scheduling to begin, baccalaureate on Thursday, graduation Friday, and Lisa's lingerie and bachelorette party Saturday!! whew! I'm tired just thinking about it...
I've truly enjoyed this school year and the challenges it has thrown at me, but I would be lying if I said I'm not grateful it is coming to an end. I'm exhausted...
I really don't have much more to blog about and would hate to waste your time with rambling! Keep us both in your prayers for continued strength for both of us! This week is going to be a tough one with me not having my complete "village" here to lean on!
"What I am saying is that we can encourage each other by the faith that is ours." Romans 1:12
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
First Week of PA School...
Yesterday started Duane's new beginning... our new beginning. He has officially begun Physician Assistant school at UT Southwestern in Dallas. I couldn't be more proud of him! As I sit here and type this on the desktop, the place where he should be sitting and playing his game... I find myself in awe of how good God is. This journey started about 4 years ago for us, and it's crazy to see how it is all unfolding. God's timing is perfect..
Last Wednesday Duane and I and the boys all headed to the Great Wolf Lodge in hopes of a two day stay-cation, where we could relax, hangout, and enjoy our time with daddy before he started school. I had looked forward to our time together for weeks. We arrived at the hotel, got our swimsuits on and headed for the waterpark! The boys LOVED it.. we all did~ We at junk from the concession stand area, played some more, then headed to the room to chill. I was laying on the bed while the boys where in "their room" (the wolf den) watching tv. Duane informed me that my mom was calling him (which is nothing new bc that typically happens bc I don't answer my phone)...
He began talking then quickly exited the room. I paused for a moment, brushed off the fact that he left my presence, and tried to relax... something I was in desperate need of. However, the longer he was gone, the more anxious I became and knew something wasn't right. I walked out into the hallway and noticed he was a ways down... I just knew something was wrong with one of my parents. I just knew he was going to walk in and tell me my mom had cancer. My heart was breaking before he ever even spoke. He sat me on the bed (while my nerves were shooting through the roof) and told me my Uncle Will had passed away. I was in complete shock- I had just had lunch with him and taken pictures of him with my boys the previous Sunday... there was no way he was dead.
The rest of the evening is somewhat of a blur... I know my boys saw me cry and were lost and confused because mommy never cries. I explained to Makson that Uncle Will had gone to Heaven and was now an angel with Jesus. He seemed to accept it much easier than I did, although he had several questions. We remained at Great Wolf because we had promised the boys a good time (and let's be real- we had already invested a pretty penny..) but the next day was so bittersweet. I found myself in a roller coaster of emotions. I was loving having fun with my babies and husband, but so incredibly heartbroken for myself and all of my family.
Duane, myself and the boys all drove to Snyder Friday, then Duane and I drove to New Mexico Saturday morning. He stayed with me until Sunday, but had to get back because he was starting his first day of PA school on Monday. I know he struggled with leaving me, but it wasn't an option for him to stay... he couldn't miss his first day of something he had worked so hard for. I will admit the selfish part of me wanted him to stay and console me in my moments of crying and grief, but I'm blessed with a beautiful family that I knew would step in to take that place... and that they did.
Needless to say those days in New Mexico were devastating, joyous, hectic, loving, and every other emotion in the book. I got to see God's amazing grace flow throughout my family and witness the peace that only He can give in times of grief and heartache.
We laid my Uncle Will to rest yesterday afternoon. I will miss him...
The boys and I got back home today. By the time we go through all the storms and finally made it home, I was exhausted... but I wanted to see Duane and the boys wanted to see their daddy. We met him for dinner, talked about our days, did a little shopping and kissed him goodnight. He went one way, we went the other. It's weird not having him here... even it is only the second day. He's my other half.. The house feels a little empty tonight. I can only imagine that's what my Aunt Shelley is feeling as well this evening... with an even greater loneliness than I.... but I know that we both hold on to faith, and God's peace and promise that He has an amazing plan!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Thank you Lord for hope!!
Last Wednesday Duane and I and the boys all headed to the Great Wolf Lodge in hopes of a two day stay-cation, where we could relax, hangout, and enjoy our time with daddy before he started school. I had looked forward to our time together for weeks. We arrived at the hotel, got our swimsuits on and headed for the waterpark! The boys LOVED it.. we all did~ We at junk from the concession stand area, played some more, then headed to the room to chill. I was laying on the bed while the boys where in "their room" (the wolf den) watching tv. Duane informed me that my mom was calling him (which is nothing new bc that typically happens bc I don't answer my phone)...
He began talking then quickly exited the room. I paused for a moment, brushed off the fact that he left my presence, and tried to relax... something I was in desperate need of. However, the longer he was gone, the more anxious I became and knew something wasn't right. I walked out into the hallway and noticed he was a ways down... I just knew something was wrong with one of my parents. I just knew he was going to walk in and tell me my mom had cancer. My heart was breaking before he ever even spoke. He sat me on the bed (while my nerves were shooting through the roof) and told me my Uncle Will had passed away. I was in complete shock- I had just had lunch with him and taken pictures of him with my boys the previous Sunday... there was no way he was dead.
The rest of the evening is somewhat of a blur... I know my boys saw me cry and were lost and confused because mommy never cries. I explained to Makson that Uncle Will had gone to Heaven and was now an angel with Jesus. He seemed to accept it much easier than I did, although he had several questions. We remained at Great Wolf because we had promised the boys a good time (and let's be real- we had already invested a pretty penny..) but the next day was so bittersweet. I found myself in a roller coaster of emotions. I was loving having fun with my babies and husband, but so incredibly heartbroken for myself and all of my family.
Duane, myself and the boys all drove to Snyder Friday, then Duane and I drove to New Mexico Saturday morning. He stayed with me until Sunday, but had to get back because he was starting his first day of PA school on Monday. I know he struggled with leaving me, but it wasn't an option for him to stay... he couldn't miss his first day of something he had worked so hard for. I will admit the selfish part of me wanted him to stay and console me in my moments of crying and grief, but I'm blessed with a beautiful family that I knew would step in to take that place... and that they did.
Needless to say those days in New Mexico were devastating, joyous, hectic, loving, and every other emotion in the book. I got to see God's amazing grace flow throughout my family and witness the peace that only He can give in times of grief and heartache.
We laid my Uncle Will to rest yesterday afternoon. I will miss him...
The boys and I got back home today. By the time we go through all the storms and finally made it home, I was exhausted... but I wanted to see Duane and the boys wanted to see their daddy. We met him for dinner, talked about our days, did a little shopping and kissed him goodnight. He went one way, we went the other. It's weird not having him here... even it is only the second day. He's my other half.. The house feels a little empty tonight. I can only imagine that's what my Aunt Shelley is feeling as well this evening... with an even greater loneliness than I.... but I know that we both hold on to faith, and God's peace and promise that He has an amazing plan!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Thank you Lord for hope!!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
PA School Update
Well, this is the week! We find out this week if Duane gets into UT Southwestern's PA (Physician Assistant) school. It has been a long 4 months, but through lots of prayer, I know if this door is meant to open.. it will!
The last few months have been a roller coaster for me. Ever since Duane's interview in September we have been patiently waiting to get a phone call, email, letter... just something!! We knew they would accept a couple of students right after the interview, some would get rejections, and the rest... well... they would have to wait until January. Duane was one of the lucky ones who got to wait until January. For the first month after the interview he checked the mail religiously... praying there wouldn't be a rejection letter. I knew he was nervous... Heck, I was even more so! It never came, so we continued to hope.
I thought January would take forever to get here. Once January 1st hit, I felt the nerves and anxiousness start creeping on me. I would find myself laying in bed at night thinking "It's January... Duane finds out this month..." From there I would begin to think of all the possibilities- What if he gets in? Will we sale the house? Do I live with my parents? Will we get him an apartment? Do we rent out the house? Will I ever see him? What if he meets some hot girl PA student and forgets us? The list went on and my anxiousness got worse... However, every night at the end of my anxious thoughts, I found myself in prayer. One night while I was driving home from grocery shopping I was praying about PA school and that if this is the right door, God would open it. Anxiousness started setting in again, and God spoke to me and said, "I've already given you a peace about this, quit trying to have control. It's all going to work out!" I smiled and continually remind myself on a daily basis of this.
God gave me a peace months ago after Duane interviewed. Why do I constantly want to disregard that peace, worry and try to find some sort of control in the situation? Faith allows me to hand it over to God because He's in control... not me. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Duane applied to four different PA schools last April- Galveston, San Antonio, UNT in Fort Worth, and UT Southwestern in Dallas. He got two rejections from Galveston & San Antonio, and the interview to UT Southwestern. I questioned him a couple of weeks ago about UNT and if he had heard anything. I found it odd that he hadn't received a letter, phone call, rejection... nothing. He casually stated that he thought he might be in their last interview group. Sure enough- UNT called him last week and offered him an interview for the 25th of this month. I'm not quiet sure what relief this gave him, but for me... it was huge. I was thankful to not have to hinge everything on UT Southwestern... he has another chance if for some reason Southwestern doesn't work out. I find myself secretly hoping both will offer him spots and he will choose UNT... even thought I know Southwestern is a better PA school. UNT is closer, and I find so much comfort in that. However, Southwestern starts sooner and finishes quicker... so I find some comfort in that as well.
Even as I sit here typing this, I find myself getting anxious and trying to plan these next few years. When in reality- who knows what the future holds for us? All I can do is turn it over, pray for direction, peace, and obedience to how HE wants to use us.. I know God's got this!
The last few months have been a roller coaster for me. Ever since Duane's interview in September we have been patiently waiting to get a phone call, email, letter... just something!! We knew they would accept a couple of students right after the interview, some would get rejections, and the rest... well... they would have to wait until January. Duane was one of the lucky ones who got to wait until January. For the first month after the interview he checked the mail religiously... praying there wouldn't be a rejection letter. I knew he was nervous... Heck, I was even more so! It never came, so we continued to hope.
I thought January would take forever to get here. Once January 1st hit, I felt the nerves and anxiousness start creeping on me. I would find myself laying in bed at night thinking "It's January... Duane finds out this month..." From there I would begin to think of all the possibilities- What if he gets in? Will we sale the house? Do I live with my parents? Will we get him an apartment? Do we rent out the house? Will I ever see him? What if he meets some hot girl PA student and forgets us? The list went on and my anxiousness got worse... However, every night at the end of my anxious thoughts, I found myself in prayer. One night while I was driving home from grocery shopping I was praying about PA school and that if this is the right door, God would open it. Anxiousness started setting in again, and God spoke to me and said, "I've already given you a peace about this, quit trying to have control. It's all going to work out!" I smiled and continually remind myself on a daily basis of this.
God gave me a peace months ago after Duane interviewed. Why do I constantly want to disregard that peace, worry and try to find some sort of control in the situation? Faith allows me to hand it over to God because He's in control... not me. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Duane applied to four different PA schools last April- Galveston, San Antonio, UNT in Fort Worth, and UT Southwestern in Dallas. He got two rejections from Galveston & San Antonio, and the interview to UT Southwestern. I questioned him a couple of weeks ago about UNT and if he had heard anything. I found it odd that he hadn't received a letter, phone call, rejection... nothing. He casually stated that he thought he might be in their last interview group. Sure enough- UNT called him last week and offered him an interview for the 25th of this month. I'm not quiet sure what relief this gave him, but for me... it was huge. I was thankful to not have to hinge everything on UT Southwestern... he has another chance if for some reason Southwestern doesn't work out. I find myself secretly hoping both will offer him spots and he will choose UNT... even thought I know Southwestern is a better PA school. UNT is closer, and I find so much comfort in that. However, Southwestern starts sooner and finishes quicker... so I find some comfort in that as well.
Even as I sit here typing this, I find myself getting anxious and trying to plan these next few years. When in reality- who knows what the future holds for us? All I can do is turn it over, pray for direction, peace, and obedience to how HE wants to use us.. I know God's got this!
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