Yesterday started Duane's new beginning... our new beginning. He has officially begun Physician Assistant school at UT Southwestern in Dallas. I couldn't be more proud of him! As I sit here and type this on the desktop, the place where he should be sitting and playing his game... I find myself in awe of how good God is. This journey started about 4 years ago for us, and it's crazy to see how it is all unfolding. God's timing is perfect..
Last Wednesday Duane and I and the boys all headed to the Great Wolf Lodge in hopes of a two day stay-cation, where we could relax, hangout, and enjoy our time with daddy before he started school. I had looked forward to our time together for weeks. We arrived at the hotel, got our swimsuits on and headed for the waterpark! The boys LOVED it.. we all did~ We at junk from the concession stand area, played some more, then headed to the room to chill. I was laying on the bed while the boys where in "their room" (the wolf den) watching tv. Duane informed me that my mom was calling him (which is nothing new bc that typically happens bc I don't answer my phone)...
He began talking then quickly exited the room. I paused for a moment, brushed off the fact that he left my presence, and tried to relax... something I was in desperate need of. However, the longer he was gone, the more anxious I became and knew something wasn't right. I walked out into the hallway and noticed he was a ways down... I just knew something was wrong with one of my parents. I just knew he was going to walk in and tell me my mom had cancer. My heart was breaking before he ever even spoke. He sat me on the bed (while my nerves were shooting through the roof) and told me my Uncle Will had passed away. I was in complete shock- I had just had lunch with him and taken pictures of him with my boys the previous Sunday... there was no way he was dead.
The rest of the evening is somewhat of a blur... I know my boys saw me cry and were lost and confused because mommy never cries. I explained to Makson that Uncle Will had gone to Heaven and was now an angel with Jesus. He seemed to accept it much easier than I did, although he had several questions. We remained at Great Wolf because we had promised the boys a good time (and let's be real- we had already invested a pretty penny..) but the next day was so bittersweet. I found myself in a roller coaster of emotions. I was loving having fun with my babies and husband, but so incredibly heartbroken for myself and all of my family.
Duane, myself and the boys all drove to Snyder Friday, then Duane and I drove to New Mexico Saturday morning. He stayed with me until Sunday, but had to get back because he was starting his first day of PA school on Monday. I know he struggled with leaving me, but it wasn't an option for him to stay... he couldn't miss his first day of something he had worked so hard for. I will admit the selfish part of me wanted him to stay and console me in my moments of crying and grief, but I'm blessed with a beautiful family that I knew would step in to take that place... and that they did.
Needless to say those days in New Mexico were devastating, joyous, hectic, loving, and every other emotion in the book. I got to see God's amazing grace flow throughout my family and witness the peace that only He can give in times of grief and heartache.
We laid my Uncle Will to rest yesterday afternoon. I will miss him...
The boys and I got back home today. By the time we go through all the storms and finally made it home, I was exhausted... but I wanted to see Duane and the boys wanted to see their daddy. We met him for dinner, talked about our days, did a little shopping and kissed him goodnight. He went one way, we went the other. It's weird not having him here... even it is only the second day. He's my other half.. The house feels a little empty tonight. I can only imagine that's what my Aunt Shelley is feeling as well this evening... with an even greater loneliness than I.... but I know that we both hold on to faith, and God's peace and promise that He has an amazing plan!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Thank you Lord for hope!!
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