So.... the day started fantastic! I dropped Kaden off with Mrs. Lisa, then got to take Mak to preschool and watch his first costume parade (note the pics)! He was adorable walking around with his little class, so proud in his Batman suit! He told me this morning (as he attempted to fight his brother) that he was a bad guy. I explained to him that he wasn't, and that we don't want to be bad guys- we want to be good guys. He told me that he wanted to be a bad guy, so I tried to correct him again. He then proceeded to grab his Batman mask and said, "Mommy, look at this face... he's a bad guy!" Needless to say I laughed, and left it that. Anyway... the parade was super cute, then he flashed me the thumbs up letting me know all was well... so I left.
I got in the car pleased with my decision to attend the parade. I debated literally all night whether to go, or to attend my counseling PLC with work this morning. I talked to my sister asking if I missed the parade did it make me a bad mom. She of course was super supportive and said no... however, she hadn't seen my son's face when I told him last night I wasn't going. He got huge crocodile tears, and said, "But I want you to..." Then I cried. Then I talked to my mom. She made a good point... she said, "Tara, at your funeral is anyone going to comment on the fact that you made it to every PLC for work? Or will they comment about you being a mother? Which is more important?" That pretty much made my decision. Being a mom and having a job... sometimes juggling both is incredibly difficult, especially when you're a pleaser. I try to pretend that I'm not at times, but.... I am- I own it! Anyway... the mom card trumped, and I am so glad it did! He was precious... that is until I picked him up from Mrs. Lisa's this afternoon.
So the car ride home was pretty brutal... bearable at least to the point where I didn't want to stab my eyes out, but still brutal. The first thing Mak and I discuss is where we're going to go... Daddy's football game, Auntie E's volleyball game, or home to get a cookie. He insisted on going home to get a cookie... which was fine with me, I was pretty beat and happy to go home! Then he started with the million questions... for example: "Mommy, where is that blue truck going?" Me- "I don't know." "Yes, you do!" "Okay, he's going to the store." "No he's not!" "Okay, he's not..." "Well, where's he going?" While saying all of this he is using his oh-so-lovely tone that usually ends up with me jerking him up and spanking his bottom. We seriously went round and round with questions and answers like this the whole way home. I would tell him I didn't know and he would tell me I did... then when I would answer him, he would scream I wasn't right... It was a NO win situation that was driving me to want to drink. In the midst of it all while he's whining, yelling, getting threatened to get spanked with the paddle, my sweet baby Kaden is just smiling and laughing. Thank God for that easy going child! Kaden would reach over towards Mak and try to play or get his attention and the only response he could get from my hellion child was "Stop, brother! Don't do that! Don't touch me! Mommy, I don't want him to do that!" I just laughed and watched Kaden keep doing it... it was too funny to watch the interaction! Kaden just kept smiling and laughing never once seeming to mind the fact that Mak was incredibly irritated with him!
The car ride ends and I decide the best thing was to stay busy and out of the house for my own sanity! So we went for a walk/jog around the neighborhood and made a pit stop at the park. It was a wonderful 40 minutes of enjoying the great outdoors, with the children chipper and happy! We got back to the house and I realize I should probably feed my kids being that it was almost 7... what to do for dinner? I offer chicken nuggets (dinner of champions), leftovers, and anything else I could manage to find that would not take much effort to cook... long story short, I ate some meat (from leftovers) on bread, Mak ate yogurt, Kaden ate whatever he could manage to bum from me or his brother... because when I tried to feed him his baby food, he spit it all over me and himself, and knocked the spoon out of my hand getting it all over the floor! He refuses to eat baby food for me- which I honestly don't blame him. The crap smells horrible, and doesn't seem appetizing at all! So needless to say he had a lot of bread!
After dinner, was bath time! Which usually is somewhat peaceful because they play, and I can chill on the toilet seat and play some Words with Friends, Bejewled or check up on the recent updates on Facebook. Not so much tonight... Kaden wanted whatever toy Mak had, knocked over whatever toy Mak managed to fill up with water- resulting in a super wet floor, and Mak refused to let K play in the water from the spout, because he believes he's the only one who should be able to do that... so in return there was lots of screaming! Finally I just got them both out and decided it was bed time before I beat them both :) I had to make Kaden's bottle... so I thought I would just shut the gate and keep everyone (including the dog) out, so I could accomplish that in a timely manner. Who knew that both boys and the dog (Tobee) would all latch onto the side of the gait and proceed to wail about something or another.
Mak began to cry that he wanted in, which I informed him he could not, so he began balling, Kaden was screaming and wailing because he wanted a bottle and bed, which I obviously was not meeting that need! Then Mak wanted another cookie... and so on and so on..... Eventually I just started screaming right along with them... I was screaming, Makson was screaming and crying, Kaden was screaming and crying, and Tobee was howling right along with us... if anyone would have walked into my house at the moment, they might have taken me away to be institutionalized. However, after I screamed, I actually felt a lot better inside and started laughing! My night amazingly got a little better after that! So... lesson of the day: To all you moms out there- when the children are driving you to drink, and nothing is going right and you feel like pulling out your hair, just scream like a mad woman! Your children might get a little scared and look at you like your insane, and the dog may even lower his ears and look a little frightened... However, in a weird way...it amazingly brings some laughter and happiness to the soul :)
Love this Tara - Thank you for your candid honesty - it lowers my anxiety about being the "perfect mom" - As you might know I'm a pleaser like you.... and I know the first meltdown (mine, not the baby) will be right around the corner once she is born!
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom! There is no such thing as perfect people, and there's no such thing as a perfect life - but God is perfect and He is always there. Your kids are so lucky to have a mom like you! Keep up the good work!